My Worst Fear Realised

nogassmallSo it finally happened. One of my worst fears. Now to many it may not sound that bad but to me it has been something I have dreaded happening for some time. Not only did it just happen it happened at one of the worst times in one of the worst places.

That fear? Running out of diesel in our bus while on our way to the gas station. Yup, we were literally a block and a half from the gas station to fill up and we landed a red light at a very busy Auckland intersection right on peak traffic. Not only that but we were parked in the only lane that allowed traffic to go straight ahead meaning all straight through traffic now had to divert from their intended course.

The thing is with an older bus like ours. If you pour a can of diesel in to an empty tank there is a very good chance you will need to manually pump it through, arrrr more dollars!

I couldn’t believe it, I felt that warm flush come over me as I realised what had happened. The bus just would not move. Yes I hear you saying, why did you let the diesel get so low. Normally I wouldn’t but we had had one of those weeks where the finance got sucked into the vortex of the unexpected and as most bus people will be able to tell you, it can be a life of faith at times.

So here we are sitting in disbelief as the lights turned green and the bus just sat. I was suddenly aware of a very large number of cars behind us most likely wondering what on earth am I doing. Time for action!

Cindy made a quick dive out the door to grab the gas can out of the car and make a dash for the closest petrol station while I sat with the thought of having to go to the back of the bus and encourage the line of traffic now backed up to make their way around either side of the bus.

Here I go, one of my greatest fears unfolding right in front of me. I make my way to the back of the bus expecting to be greeted by some angry drivers but was nicely surprised to feel myself relaxing as everyone with no exception was so amazing. I had so many offers of help that I had a now very rehearsed response of “thanks, but help is on it’s way”. I even had one guy on a push bike suggest he would like to help but felt he may have a few problems trying to tow the bus.

I felt my anxiety melt away as more assurance came from those who encountered the rear of our bus with no intention of going anywhere. Someone even yelled out to Cindy and offered her a ride to go get the diesel. She returned with the diesel, I poured it in the tank and after a few turns of the starter the bus began to fire back to life and off we went with no hesitation to the petrol station to ensure this was not going to happen again.

So it had happened, I realised my worst fear in the bus and I am still here to type the tale and even look back at the experience and wonder what it was that I really feared.

See I had set up preconceived ideas in my mind what it would look like if I ever ran out of diesel at an intersection in our bus let alone a very busy one in Auckland. I had already played it out which gave the fear grounds to sit in the back of my mind and cause a sense of anxiety.

Now I would be the first to say we live a pretty amazing life, but I am still just like the next guy or girl who has dreams and ambitions in life yet fear can get in the way. For me the fear wasn’t enough to stop me living in a bus but it was still something that effected my stress levels when driving in a city on a tight financial week.

The thing is though I have realised a lot of fears we have as people, when they do happen, may not actually be as bad as we imagined and at times can be totally unfounded.

We hear all the time from people that would love to move into a bus and travel or similar goals. We also hear all the reasons why they don’t. What about money, what about my job, what about security (next blog), what if this? what if that?

In life there will always be what ifs. There are no guarantees or promises it will all be ok. But if we allow those fears to take root in our minds there are so many things we may never accomplish. I know for some we grow up with, don’t climb on that you will get hurt, don’t quit your job you will go hungry and die, don’t, don’t, don’t.

Well I’m here to say DO! and do it big! You will survive that thing, and what’s more it may even become an experience that you will look back on and smile. I still have a giggle at some of the witty but supporting comments a lot of drivers made and with some it even lead to quite a conversation, some quite amusing, while waiting once again for another red light to pass. There are some funny people out there.

So embrace the fear and Live Life!

My encouragement to you? What is something that fear has held you back from? What have you already decided in your mind as to the outcome? They say the thing you fear most will come upon you, so best get it out of the way quickly, then you will no longer need to fear it. Now that I have been through the experience I no longer fear it. Not saying it is a wise thing to drive so low on diesel, but should it ever happen again, there will be no sting, no panic, just a realisation, hey, stuff happens it’s not so bad.

One thing I have learnt in life is either life dictates to us which can really effect the way we view most days. Or we can begin to take control and pursue an amazing life. This does not mean crap doesn’t happen, but it prepares us to deal better when crap does come our way and not allow us to miss out when life is good.

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